Identifying the phases of love as a couple is important to recognize what stage you are in, what it means, what it feels like and what you can expect in each phase. This article focuses on the first of these phases: falling in love.
What does it mean to be in love? What do you feel?
In relationships, being in love means that you feel love and sexual attraction for someone (according to the RAE). When you are in love, you create the illusion that that person is the one and that you will be together all your life, the loved one becomes a perfect being without any flaws, you feel a very intense feeling towards the other, The need is created and a way is always sought to spend more and more time together.
In this stage, conflicts are avoided as if they did not exist and this makes them feel that there will never be problems between them, feeding the idealization of the relationship. In this way, this stage becomes very intense, explosive, fiery, in which everything is enjoy and feel much better.
The thought focuses almost exclusively on the loved one "I can't stop thinking about him/her", the positive experiences that are being lived are reviewed over and over again and they imagine planning many more in the future, intrusive thoughts also appear " What are you doing now?", obsessive thoughts about each other and the relationship, fantasies and fear of rejection, when you are not together you can feel anxiety and fear (depending on the person).
“Because without looking for you, I find you everywhere, mainly when I close my eyes”. - (Julio Cortázar)
What's wrong with my body?
At this stage, sudden and sometimes unexpected psychophysiological alterations occur, such as palpitations, excitement, nervousness, trembling of the legs, "butterflies in the stomach" (anxiety), the senses are heightened, the skin becomes sensitive, Pupils dilate, stress levels increase, even having difficulty sleeping, you may experience an increase or loss of appetite, increased energy, motivation and creativity, among others.
What's wrong with my brain?
When a person falls in love, their brain automatically secretes a series of hormones and neurotransmitters, the mixture of these is what we know as "the chemistry of love", which is comparable to what is felt when consuming a psychoactive drug, since which makes the person feel excited, full of energy and their perception of reality is magnificent, this is why being in love can be addictive, making the person more emotionally unstable:
Phenylethylamine (PEA): it is an amphetamine that our body produces naturally, it is the "molecule of love."
Pheromones: they influence sensuality and decision-making, and they also create a great feeling of well-being.
Oxytocin: it is the "hug hormone", as it helps create close bonds with the other person. Every time the couple has sex, the body secretes this hormone, according to the theory of Donald F. Klein and Michael Lebowitz, this compound can last about 4 years in the brain.
Dopamine: is a neurotransmitter related to pleasure, which is crucial in the reward system, so it helps reinforce pleasurable behaviors.
Norepinephrine: is associated with euphoria, which excites the body with natural adrenaline.
Serotonin: it is the "hormone of happiness", it is related to emotions and mood, it generates a great feeling of well-being, optimism and good humor.
Stages of falling in love
Sexual attraction. The psychobiology of each person sees and feels attracted to particular characteristics of the loved person (the "I like" or "I am attracted" effect), here erotic passion and romanticism are presented with greater intensity.
Hypervaluation. The other person is idealized, their defects are not perceived or ignored or they are compensated for by their "abundant and wonderful virtues."
Appropriation of the other. The person in love begins to be aware of the possibility of making the other person theirs, of incorporating them into their life. Here it is about confirming whether the attraction is mutual.
Reciprocity in falling in love. Both people feel great happiness, since their love has been reciprocated (if that was the case).
End of falling in love. Physically pure passion and attraction begin to decline, as does idealization, here the flaws of the other person begin to be recognized.
How long does the falling in love phase last?
Lovers would say that they wish it would last a lifetime, since it is the phase in which love is enjoyed in a more passionate and sweet way, it is the "honeymoon" of love, however, different studies have concluded that it usually lasts. between 6 months and 2 years, this time will vary depending on each person and relationship, on the other hand, there are people who claim that they are still in love with their partners many years later (between 15% and 30% of the population interviewed), it will also depend on how much you work on the relationship, whether this feeling of love lasts over time or not.
This is just the first part...
Knowing what happens during the different stages in the relationship can help clarify what you are feeling, why you have certain behaviors or why some decisions are made and others are not, if after reading this article, you still have doubts. , I invite you to write them in the comments so I can help you solve them, and if you liked this article, you are free to share it with whoever you want (or love) so that they can also know everything about being in love.
In the following articles we will talk about the characteristics of the following stages of the relationship as a couple, subscribe to receive a notification as soon as it is available so you don't miss anything.
Thank you for coming this far, I hope you enjoyed reading.
Psic. Ylenia Abril - Tu espacio mental
References
- Corbin, J. (2016). Las 3 fases del amor y sus características. https://psicologiaymente.com/pareja/fases-del-amor
- Padilla, J. (2022). Etapas del amor y su duración. https://lamenteesmaravillosa.com/etapas-amor-duracion/
- Adsuara, G. (2021). Las 7 etapas del amor y su duración. https://www.psicologia-online.com/las-7-etapas-del-amor-y-su-duracion-4907.html
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